Les Miserables, Mercy and Grace

In a few weeks I will have the opportunity to speak to a bunch of high school age kids.  They said I can speak about anything I want…Muahahahaha. But in all seriousness, I love this age group, and find it a little overwhelming to have all subject matter available to me at my discretion. How does one choose what to talk about? Well, I decided to talk about Les Miserables (please don’t roll your eyes….just read on, you’ll see), Mercy and Grace. Let me share with you “why”.

My favorite scene in Les Miserables (can be translated to The Miserable, or The Wretched)...(the 2012 movie version) is near the beginning when Jean Val Jean, a man who had recently been released from 19 years of prison for stealing a loaf of bread, searched in vain to find food and shelter. You see, no one wanted to take him in because his papers reflected his past and since everyone at that time was starving, he wasn’t worth a risk or precious food.  He roamed around, close to dying from hunger, when he stumbled upon a convent of sorts. The Bishop was the only one that offered him food and a warm, safe place to stay for the night. Once everyone was asleep, Jean Val Jean stole all the valuable silver and took off.  The Bishop’s wife was clearly unhappy when they woke to find that they had been robbed by the man they showed compassion to, but soon the police showed up with Jean Val Jean in chains. They showed the bag of stolen goods to the Bishop and told the bishop that the man said the bag of silver was a gift. This is where the movie gets good. The Bishop looked down at the pathetic, guilty, and angry Jean Val Jean and told the police that the man was telling the truth! That the silver WAS a gift and then said to Jean Val Jean, “You forgot I gave these also, would you leave the best behind”? “They are worth more, surely you forgot them” and then gave him the expensive, highly valuable candlesticks while the police watched in disbelief. The Bishop thanked the police for doing their job and dismissed them. Once they left, he told Jean Val Jean that he saved his soul for God and to use the items to live a life of honesty. Bam.

Let me submit my definitions for Mercy and Grace:

Mercy: NOT getting what you deserve

Grace: Getting what you DON’T deserve

Obviously, if the Bishop wanted to send Jean Val Jean back to prison, he was totally in the right, no one would have blinked an eye. But he held back and didn’t let Jean Val Jean get the punishment he deserved. Mercy.

On top of that, now this is the “kicker” for me, on TOP of not giving the thief what he deserved, he gave him some good stuff, the expensive candle sticks! Grace.

What was this guy’s motive? He didn’t get anything for showing Mercy or Grace to someone so clearly undeserving, maybe a “good feeling” but that doesn’t last long when you have no income, or financial stability. He must have placed his value, personal significance, and security in something else. SomeTHING else, or someONE else.

It reminds me of this poem I read:

 

“Praise the Lord, my soul,
And forget not all his benefits—
Who forgives all your sins
And heals all your diseases,
Who redeems your life from the pit
And crowns you with love and compassion,
Who satisfies your desires with good things
So that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s…” (Psalms 103:2-5)

So God gives new life, brings a person out of “The Pit,” which is totally an act of mercy because we all do things or create situations that make “The Pit” a consequence of those actions…But he doesn't stop there, on top of that redemptive act, he gives good stuff, he satisfies our desires with good things and renews our youth! That’s crazy stuff. I imagine that really getting this concept is the stuff that life change is made out of.  I mean, how can someone so forgiven, or released from obvious guilt not live in amazing freedom, especially when he receives good stuff on top of that so he is equipped of living a free man’s life!?

Can we take this back to Les Mis for a quick minute? Because of one Bishop’s actions towards one man, how many people reaped the benefit? Here are a few examples: Jean Val Jean (now to be known as JVJ) created a business situation that gave many poor people work, JVJ saved the man under from the weight of the cart, JVJ saved Fantine from immediate death from the hands of a ruthless man, JVJ saved the orphan named Cosette, JVJ saved Marius from the French soldiers, and he saved Javert from the French Student’s revolt. All these people received the benefits of the Bishop’s selfless act of releasing his rights in order to give Mercy and Grace.

Man, personally, it is easier for me to show Mercy to people than to show Grace (please note I specifically wrote "easier...than"). I can relent, but to relent AND be kind on top of it…it is a painful struggle I normally lose. Sometimes, there is not even a struggle. I am an example of a “work in progress.” Ah, but a work in progress is still a work in progress so there is hope! Are you with me?!

Alright, video time! I like this band, and I love this song (I do not own this video)!

 

Ingredients for Fun

I had been excited for this weekend for months. Back in the fall of 2007 I met 4 fabulous ladies in Australia (a story for another time) and we have made it a point to meet up in a different location once a year....though sometimes it is more often! This year we planned to meet up in the San Francisco area... And that is ALL we had planned. A “normal” group of people would probably have had an itinerary of sorts, but not us. We don’t roll that way, and we have “fun!” and yes, there is a difference between “fun” and “fun!” and I am going to attempt to share this with you.

I was the last one to arrive Saturday morning, and the excitement was incredible, because I. KNOW. THESE. LADIES. We don’t fly to a different location every year “just because.” We do it because we are “fun!” Each lady possesses a desire for excitement, laughter, something new, good pictures, (I am going to add shopping in parenthesis, because I am sure this is already assumed), and for good, nay, AMAZING memories.  So the expectations for our weekend trips are always high, and we are never disappointed. Here are a few necessary ingredients for a fun trip:

Variety:
Before our weekend trip had even begun, the saga had started because packing must first be accomplished before departure (insert ominous music here).  I don't know who I think I am, but I had the "brilliant" idea that I could pack for a weekend trip within 30 minutes. I will go into more detail below, but if you don’t have a plan for the weekend, then it is pretty difficult to pack for a weekend trip. So of course, the best thing to do is pack for ANY occasion. If you are a guy reading this and not of the metro persuasion, let me explain, this means that if there are MANY different types of outfits then there must also be MANY types of shoes that need to be included and they ALL have to be crammed into a little overnight bag... don't even get me started on jackets, makeup, hair dryers, straighteners, etc. After successfully using every bit of available space in the overnight bag, the thought had occurred to me to sell my expertise of space conservation to potato chip companies. But I digress.

Spontaneity:

We met Saturday morning and after much laughing and talking, quickly took off to go. Go where? We do most of our planning en route, so the first thing is to get into a car and go. While driving we decided the general list of things we were going to accomplish: Take our traditional coffee picture at Starbucks (this is really one of our number one things to do and is time specific as we need to do this picture first thing in the morning, so for a weekend trip, that means we have only 2 options: Saturday morning or Sunday morning), go outlet shopping-day trip, go wine tasting in Napa-day trip, have amazing breakfast on Sunday morning, make a Paleo-style dinner Sunday night, watch Downton Abbey Sunday night, and stay up late…ok, this last one was really a plan that I had to make for myself, because I am not traditionally a night person. Not at all, actually.

Example: Girls' Latte Picture from New York 2010

 

The spontaneous dance party should also be a part of any fun weekend, obviously. This dance party can happen everywhere and anywhere. If you are on the go, you can have it in the car, but make sure there is always a good soundtrack available. I'm not going to pretend like Brittney Spears didn't occasionally visit our weekend drive sessions. We have even come up with “moves” to our favorite selections and dance parties often turn into cardio/calorie burn parties. That, my friends, is what you call a "win-win".

Flexibility:
Although you may not think the above list is that extreme, you may not realize that a drive to Napa is not just “a drive to Napa”. For instance, if along the way you drive by an antique store, or privately owned one-of-a-kind boutique, and there is an open parking space out front, there will of course be an immediate diversion from the set course into said empty parking space, an immediate pause in the plan and an instant stop along the way. So if you have an hour long drive, the amount of possible side stops are countless. Flexibility is a key factor for a successful weekend trip and a huge indicator of what type of “fun” will be had.

Food:
Food is something that brings people together, we need it, we like it, we consume it. So if you want to have a good time you have to have good food. So our plans for Paleo-Dinner obviously needed to be changed. I would say that cooking (when there is time for it and it is not rushed) is fun, but when you have a large kitchen full of friends cooking together, listening to music, the fun becomes “fun!” We had our 2 head chefs that were in charge of the stove area and thus the main course and side dish (scallops and risotto). We had the kitchen photographer capturing the moments. We had the table settler and wine pourer. And then we had me, the chopper/measuring cup estimator/dish washer. All these positions were important and necessary ingredients for a good time and a good meal. Especially if you wanted perfectly chopped parsley as a garnish...thank you, no thank you.

Awkward Laughter:
Initially, this doesn’t seem like it belongs in a recipe for a good time, but let me explain. While wine tasting we went to an awesome vineyard that I had been wanting to visit for quite some time. The man leading our tasting was not only knowledgeable on wines, grapes, family, but basically thought he had the answers to all of life's questions. Yay. You can probably imagine that one with such a large…personality, might find it difficult to keep the tasting moving along in front of 5 ladies, so to keep the tasting moving, we found it best to insert some laughter when necessary to fill the void of empty jokes, or failed attempts to seem like a ladies man, aka “catch”. For you younger people reading this, I am trying to artfully explain that someone was attempting to prove he had SWAG, but did not have it.  So the laughs, however awkward, became a way to keep things moving, a method to regulate and control time.

If you think these ladies are fun, you should visit their sites because they are also creative. I am serious, do it: This one is on food and love, and this one is on photography.

Well, I think that concludes this post recipe for fun. I have left a few pieces of this weekend’s happenings out as I will likely write another post about awkwardness and will need to refer to this weekend later on (my first installment on awkwardness can be found here). That, my friends, is what I call a “tease” and you’ll have to keep reading my posts, I guess.

For those of you that are new to reading my posts (first, thank you and welcome), I end each post with a video that I do not own, and I felt this one was appropriate for this weekends trip, so here you go!

“Classy Girls”-Lumineers

 

 

 

               

               

Branching Out: Supper Club Style

Let me start off this post with some good old fashioned stereotyping, it hasn’t hurt anyone yet, right?

-Married Group: Single people have not yet reached “adult status” regardless of age, and wouldn’t understand real issues and problems associated with life after marriage, besides, it is too irritating to hear singles complaining about all the “freedom” they have.

-Singles Group: We have nothing but free time and need to party all the time, married people aren’t welcome because they always have to plan hang out time and we don’t like to plan. Additionally, it is annoying to hear married people complaining about their spouse when “options” are scarce.

-Hipsters: We don’t care about anything but making ugly stuff look cool, so if your sense of style is classy, preppy, or “other”, then you won’t fit in.

-Grey Haired Group: It is too hard to keep up with technology so we don’t have anything in common with the younger crowd. It is easier to talk about how things used to be amazing until the younger generations messed it all up. Besides, the young people don’t have time to talk to us, they are too busy have sex and being promiscuous.

-Social Justice Group: We are the only ones who care about the world and people, if you live in an advanced nation, you don’t have any problems that are worthy of complaint. We want to actively participate in change.

-Mom Group: Our lives belong to our children, if you don’t have kids, you don’t understand. Stop making us feel bad that we cannot squeeze you in between dance class, baseball games, soccer, cheerleading, laundry and bath time.

Hopefully, I haven’t offended too many people. The point is that with the ridiculousness of some of these above mentioned stereotypes is a little bit of truth in how we think about these groups. We don’t hang out with certain types of people because of how we view ourselves and the groups we do or don’t associate with. So, we stay in “our” group of friends because it is safer and easier, effectively cutting out the rest of the world.

What I want to talk about it is how to facilitate change in a community. This is a subject that I think about all the time and often feel overwhelmed by it, but I want to know what I can do as an individual to participate in making good changes. When I refer to “community” I am often thinking of my specific city, but this applies to you, regardless of location. I want my city to be better, in order for that to happen, some things need to change. But what needs to change? What needs to happen to accomplish this change?

Change is when you make something different, you “alter” something. So, one may conclude that if you want a larger group to change (aka a city), then the individuals in that group (citizens) must also change. Herein lies a problem. We don’t think we need to change. We think by default that “I am right”, “they” need help, “they” aren’t doing it right, “they” should be doing it differently, “they” made bad choices, I could go on and on because I have thought all those things. I think that we are allowed by the groups we hang out with to think this way because we tend to hang out with people that think similarly to ourselves and are not challenged to think differently, perhaps, from a different view point.

Now I will give an example of branching out. I have a friend named Tawny Labarbera who together with her friend Lindsay had the great idea of starting Supper Club. The idea of course was birthed at a birthday party. Every other month a different person hosts the club and everyone brings a dish of some sort to share. We eat great food, drink great wine, and laugh a lot! Every event is different and new people are always showing up, some are single, some are moms, some are dating, some have kids, you get the point, everyone could be identified with a “different group”.   I didn’t know any of these people before I showed up. Yeah, it was a little awkward showing up to a house belonging to someone I didn’t know and to hang out with people that are crazy (crazy fun, I mean!), but that’s what branching out is all about (though at one point, I did stand at someone’s door who had no idea what Supper Club was, only to find out that I was at the wrong house, sigh)! I met some amazing people through this club that I wouldn’t have met otherwise! (I would also like to take a minute to plug Tawny’s Etsy site, she makes really cool clocks, buy one here!) And if your fear of awkwardness is keeping you away from trying new things or meeting new people, check out my thoughts on awkwardness here.

Here are a few pictures from our previous Supper Club events; maybe you will want to start something like this (I want to credit Melissa Cahoon for the awesome pics!):

 

 

Don’t become stagnant or culturally irrelevant because you refuse to branch out. Be proactive in finding new people to mingle with and bring new people into your circle, mix it up! Have conversations that are different from the norm because you are hanging out with people that are different from the norm.  And if you need to take someone with you, I will volunteer! I love meeting new people and need to be challenged with new social situations too! Who knows what kind of change can be brought about by simply making more friends?

And with that, I end this post with a song. This song doesn't necessarily have to do with the post itself, but if you are going to be throwing parties to meet new people, then you need to have a good play list, so here is a song from a band I love (no, I do not own this video, yes, I want to see this band live, and if this band comes to your party, I better get an invite): The Avett Brothers-Kick Drum Heart

(Please feel free to give me feedback and ideas!)

Broken Heart

I think that it is normally more interesting to hear about the heart that has been broken from a relationship because then you get juicy details sometimes rivaling the drama of Kardashians, or entertainment magazines. No, I am not going to spill my guts or failed relationship attempts in this post, there is always time for that later (or never), but this morning I witnessed something that broke my heart in a different way.  

I was driving to a meeting on one of my town’s most trafficked streets, so stopping right away wasn’t an option, there were too many people driving like crazies late for work. I saw out of the corner of my eye a female running on the sidewalk, but she was wearing jeans and something didn’t seem right. I saw that not too far behind her was a man, and he suddenly took off running after her and he suddenly threw something at her. That is when I had to make a U-Turn because something has to be done when a person is in trouble! What I saw happened so fast that it took me a minute to get back to the location where I saw the interaction, but once I got there I saw that the man was gone and the “woman” was on the other side of the street…but in fact was also a man, dressed in a “pretty woman” outfit. Suddenly the whole thing was clear to me. And my heart broke.

People, we have to deal with our identity issues and insecurities now! Time is not always on your side, don’t wait. If you do not know whose image you bear, that you are a magnificent creature, a being more detailed and complex than anything else on this earth, then you are not going to live a life worthy of that complexity. I need to “soap-box-it” for a minute. I am tired of seeing girls bearing it all to attract some guy in order to feel valued. I am tired of seeing guys obsessed with video games because a game won’t create an opportunity for rejection. I am tired of seeing people work out like crazy to achieve a certain body image, when the purpose of being healthy and fit is to have a body that is most capable of being able to carry your personality, thoughts, and heart in ways that it can best interact with other people.  Ok, I am stepping off the soap box.

Because of whose image you bear, you are worth more than the life you have settled for. You are capable of great things, go for it! If something his holding you back in your thoughts, attack it. Walk in the opposite! For example, if you think nobody likes you (who doesn’t have that thought at some point?) so you shut yourself up indoors, then be proactive and find a group of people to hang out with. Yes, it may be awkward (see my post on awkwardness here), but so what?! Challenge yourself and get out there. We are all links in a chain, you need someone and someone needs you. Find a strong person to link up with and someone you can help. We live in a community (whether local or global) that needs strengthening, people, and it starts with you!

I have realized that I like to end my posts with a video to drive home a point. I know this one may seem long, but by now you should realize I do not suffer from bad taste, so watch it. Seriously, my mind was blown after I watched this video I do not own the first time. If you do not have much experience studying the Bible, then you can start the play button at 9:52.

 

 

 

 

 

Filtering Flaws For a Forever Fabulous Finish is Futile

Do you ever wish that there was an Instagram filter for your life? I do. I wish that.

If I could apply a filter to some of the conversations or thoughts I’ve had they wouldn’t seem as bad as I remember them. Or even better, I wouldn’t look as bad to the people I had talked to or thought negatively about. A filter makes everything better, less harsh or unattractive, at the very least, makes something “artsy”, or dare I say it….”hipster-esq”.

I'll use  myself as an example so that only I am embarrassed:

Normal, aka #nofilter:

 

Mayfield filter applied, border, fish bubble

(Instant jaw line, say what?!)

 

 

What I have been wondering is what if the flaws (let’s just group everything under this category) actually are ok to be viewed as they are? Follow me here. If I smooth over a flaw, then I don’t really know what I am dealing with, so how can I fix it in the future? So I am left with two options: 1) Either keep the flaw, and always apply the filter for the smoothed over look, knowing things are not as put together as they appear and thus never having confidence, OR 2) Be daring and expose the flaw so that it can be remedied with finality? To be clear, I normally choose option 1, it is in my personality’s default setting….now I just sound like a robot, let’s move on.

I feel like I should mention that my life is not an open book. I used to be like one of those diaries you get as a little girl that had the little key lock attached, impossible to open as a 6 year old. But now I would say I am more like a hard cover and I insert the chapters I’ll let you read, but they may not be in order, and there are chapters still yet to be written…it is something I have been working on because “vulnerability” is a four letter word to me.  I am confident that I am not alone in this.  But it seems only fitting that if I am going to write about flaws and filters, I should give a personal example? I hate reading vague contexts and superficial what ifs. Give me a minute (better give me tons of minutes) to think of something I don’t mind sharing. Please hit the play button on this video I do not own:

Back when I was in college I remember walking out of a large classroom, probably containing about 60 students, into the neighboring hallway (if I just left this sentence by itself, it would qualify for one of the most boring introductions ever, I know). This is going somewhere. Immediately after class I proceeded to tell a friend who also attended the class, how boring and unbearable the class was with no few words…that means I talked a lot about how I hated the class, and I can be fairly loud. My heart dropped when I turned to find the professor of that horribly dull class a couple of feet behind me. While to this day I maintain that the class was boring, I was sure he heard me and that my conversation with this girl likely did the opposite of inspire confidence in this teacher (who by the way I really like, but the subject matter was blah), yes, teachers have feelings too. This was one of those moments where I wish I had a filter, possible even a muzzle or better yet, duct tape. I wish I could apply the “forget that memory” filter, but if I don’t remember being “caught”, then I wouldn’t remember that I have a flaw that needs fixing, and I wouldn’t be sensitive to that sort of thing happening to others (let’s be clear, there are TONS of things I need to work on, obviously, but one mountain at a freaking time).

What about the girl who “fixes” every photo of herself before she allows it to be seen by others? Been there, done that.  Have you noticed this? Don’t even get me started on lots of girls taking pictures together! Whenever a group shot is taken, it takes a million shots to get one that every girl is happy with, resulting in a lot of tired faces and more future “smile wrinkles.” We are so used to “fixing” or applying a filter to make us look “better” that we don’t appreciate a picture that captures us as we are, not perfect. Instead of seeing a beautiful, one of a kind, magnificent creation, we immediately look at the crooked smile, big butt, or non-curvy frame and beg for countless retakes.  How much freedom would you have if you didn’t have to maintain the illusion of perfection?

I am not against filters in fact I love them when referring to Instagram, but I think they should be used only when reality is appreciated first and foremost. To be clear, flaws in and of themselves are not beautiful, but let's not compound the mess by pretending they are not there, or that they don't exist. Let’s not be afraid of “normal” (i.e.  #nofilter for those of you born after 1995) and learn to appreciate reality and beauty despite the flaws, and when those flaws come out, don't freak out, let's deal with them so they don't come back!

(Cue outro song) I wish I had written this song, here are the lyrics, and I wish I owned this video: